Parents today have a bad habit of comparing their children to one another. So many times we do it unconsciously without even realizing it. It starts with the little things like making statements like, how come when I call your sister she can hear me but you can’t hear me when I call you? Making funny comments like that might be true however it starts the beginning of the sibling comparison.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of doing the same thing. It’s so easy to compare certain traits that one child has with another because at times, you may need them to do things a certain way and they may only deliver but so much effort, where as another child may come in and do exactly what you requested at that time,thus creating the comparison. well at least how it starts. Now I, myself am not a first hand experiencer of this type of situation, seeing that I’m an only child, but I did have three of my own.
I was at least blessed enough to have a mother like mines to teach me certain very special and important strengths to have as a mother. having patience, understanding, and unconditional love. Now one thing that tends to go wrong is that, as parents we often don’t want to have patience for our kids because we feel like we are the adults and we have no time to do childish things such as wait on anything regarding them, especially their feelings.
As you may go back and re-read that statement, just know that I am not one of that belief system, butt as raw as it came out, is as Direct as many parents today think. Parents Also may not want to understand because of the “we’ve been there and done that mentality.
Instead of Bridging the Gap in the loss of communication between our parents when we were youth and our kids today, We really take a look at those same gaps so that our kids don’t have the same resentments and have to learn and continue that cycle of parenting without understanding patience and unconditional love. But one thing I need my mindful parents to do, is bridge that Gap and let’s stop indirectly teaching our kids that there is a condition to our love.
Because the truth of the matter is even though we do say what we mean and we do mean what we say we still my patient and want to be very understanding of their views and their feelings because they are little people that will grow into young people that will grow into our future that will grow into our elders and the cycle will continue unless we make that change. I love is not based on conditions such as how much they are more responsible then their siblings, or smarter or prettier or kinder.
As parents we are realizing that psychologically comparing our children to one another is simply breaking down the bond between them as siblings and forming insecurities within themselves. So instead of being apart of the problematic parents that fuel emotionally scarred children, I’ve provided a list of effects The Sibling comparisons have on children as they grow if this persists. All my mindful parents, please note that’s simple things turn into bigger and bigger problems and that’s why it’s best to nip it in the bud from now.
However, this is not to be mistaken 4 equality in the household. For example, my children are all 6 years or more apart from each other and age. However, this does not prohibit any one of them from doing their age appropriate chores to contribute to our house. This may all be different for each one of them because they’re all that different age groups however everybody is still doing what they have to do.
Right there they know not to compare themselves to each other or that I don’t compare them to each other because I do realize that they are all different ages but everybody still needs to respect equality and that everyone has to contribute to our house because we are family and one that works together and supports each other. My saying goes “the captain May direct or drive the ship but it is his crew that sets a smooth Sail for our daily cruising”
Top 1o Reasons:
- You build insecurities in children
- You build jealousy between the children
- You create resentment towards one another between the children
- You create unnecessary gaps in the parent-child relationship
- Your children’s value of self-worth decreases
- Your children may now feel less valuable to you
- They may internalize their feelings and lash out
- their Mental and emotional state may be compromised
- They may feel the need to overcompensate or be a people pleaser
- They may feel disconnection from family or friends is best as to not be a disappointment.
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